Glimpses
by annem57
Summary: Beckett needs to make choices when Castle is hurt. Yep, the summary sucks.


**Glimpses**

**Not mine. Pity.**

**Timeframe is mid-season 4.**

* * *

"Beckett!"

Intense pain, then gunfire close by.

"Shots fired, officer down!"

"Oh, no no no, Beckett, wake up!"

"Where's Castle?"

"Hang on, Detective, we've got you."

"Where are you taking them?"

"Bellevue. We have to go, now."

Lights. Sounds. People talking. No, people shouting. What's happening? Where's Castle? Eyes being opened, lights flashing.

"Pupils equal and reactive. Get a CT and MRI, now."

Movement. Wheels rattling. Lights overhead turning on and off. Darkness. Mechanical sounds. Finally, blessed quiet.

Where's Castle?

Kate Beckett woke up to find herself in an atrium of some kind. It was light and airy and quiet, and she looked around to try and orient herself. It obviously wasn't a hotel, as there was no reception desk, but as she stepped forward, she could see a row of closed doors going off to one side. Kate turned around, only to see a blank wall, so she shrugged, and started towards the doors.

She chuckled to herself, and whispered, "Let's see what's behind door number 1." Opening it, she was startled to see Mike Royce. "Royce? Why are you here?"

Royce shook his head once before replying, "I'm not really sure, kid. But you need to know we would never have worked out."

Kate took a step back at Royce's blunt declaration. "What do you mean?"

The man snorted at her. "When we were partners, I knew you you meant for bigger things. Better things." He quirked a grin and her, and asked, "Did you get my letter?"

Kate thought back to the circumstances surrounding Royce's death, and the sadness welled up in her. She looked at him, and nodded. "Yeah, our ME found it in your pocket, and gave it to me."

"Did you read it?"

She nodded again. "I found your killer, Mike."

"I know. I also know what happened to you at Montgomery's funeral. You know it was Castle that saved you," he stated calmly.

"What? No, it was Josh that saved me."

Mike Royce shook his head. "No, it was Castle. Even though you didn't acknowledge it, it was his words that saved you. It was his words and his actions that saved you. Think about it - you know I'm right."

She shook her head, not really wanting to fully accept what her training officer was saying to her. Kate became aware of another presence in the room, a warm brightness near the doorway.

"Kate." She turned back to face Royce as he spoke. "You need to choose."

"Choose what?" she asked, playing dumb.

Royce shook his head again, disappointed in her response. "Choose to go forward, or choose to stay trapped in the past." He turned toward the wall, and seemed to melt into it. "Goodbye, kid. Make the right choice."

Kate turned, opened the door, and left the room.

She was no longer in the room, but no longer in the atrium, either. The lighting seemed dimmer, and felt more closed in. She could still feel the bright presence behind her, but chose to go to the next door. She carefully pushed it open, and walked into the room.

"Katie-bug."

"Mom?" All of the end-of-life scenarios she'd heard about started to bounce around in her brain, and she started to hyperventilate. The full-blown panic attack was averted by a gentle touch on her arm. Kate looked up into her mother's eyes, which were full of love and longing. "Mom?" came out in a strangled whisper.

Johanna Beckett stroked her daughter's hair. "You're so beautiful, Katie. You're all grown up now."

"But you've missed it all!"

"Not really. You and dad have kept me alive, and I've managed a peek or two over the years."

"I've missed you so much, mom," Kate sobbed. "Have you come to take me with you?"

"Good heavens, no!" Johanna exclaimed happily, then she sobered. "No, Katie, but you need to make a choice."

"What choice?" Kate asked, starting to get just a little cross with the seemingly cryptic nature of the messages and messengers. "You're the lawyer! You know about clarity in communication!"

Johanna laughed at her confused, angry child. "Choose to have a happy future. Choose to accept the love that is being freely offered to you." Kate looked at her feet, ashamed. Her mother added, "And choose now. It's vital that you choose now. Leave my case alone. They'll pay, and sooner than you think, but you MUST leave it alone." Johanna smoothed Kate's hair, and lifted her daughter's chin up so that they were looking in each other's eyes. "I love you, Katie, so much." Johanna started to drift towards the wall, and melted into it.

Kate took a step back, and turned back to face the door. The brightness was there, and as she looked into it, she made out who the presence was.

"Castle?"

"Kate? Come on Beckett, you need to wake up."

Kate felt someone holding her hand, and she carefully turned her head and opened her eyes to see... "Lanie? Where's Castle?"

Lanie Parish didn't answer Kate's question. "You've had us worried, girl. You got hit in the head with a two-by-four, and you have a grade-three concussion" At Kate's quizzical look, Lanie continued, "You've been unconscious for four days."

Four days? "The suspect? What happened to him?"

Lanie looked away from Kate, which only increased Kate's level of concern. When Lanie looked back at her, Kate knew that something was very wrong. Lanie took a deep breath, and held her friend's hand tighter. "Castle came up just after Hanson had hit you. Castle tried to take him down, and he almost succeeded. What he didn't know was that Hanson had a Saturday night special in his pocket."

Kate was almost too afraid to ask, but she did. "Lanie, what happened?" knowing almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth what the answer was going to be.

"Hanson shot him in the back of the head, just before Javi took Hanson out." Lanie looked at Kate, the tears gathering in her brown eyes. "He's in an induced coma. The bullet was small calibre, but it did some damage." She stopped to take a breath, and Kate tugged on Lanie's hand to get her to finish telling her. Lanie looked back at Kate, the tears tracking down her cheeks. "Sweetie, all the scans indicate damage in his occipital cortex."

Kate raised her eyebrows, and said in exasperation, "In English, Lanie!"

"The doctors are pretty sure that he's blind, Kate."

Kate fell back against her pillow in shock. Lanie brushed the tears from Kate's face, as well as wiping her own eyes. She became aware of Kate whispering, "No no no. He can't be blind." Kate looked at her friend and asked, "How bad is it?"

Lanie looked away again, and Kate knew what her answer was going to be. "Permanent, Kate. Rick will never see again."

Rick Castle was floating in a warm, thick, darkness. It was comfortable and quiet, and he was happy to be resting. At the edges of his awareness, he'd heard the medical staff talk about what had happened to him, but it had yet to become real. He had also heard Alexis tell him that Kate was fine, with a severe concussion, but as she had no other injuries to complicate her recovery, she was going to be just fine. Rick was glad that he'd been able to stop their suspect from hurting Kate too much.

He remembered the four of them going to a rundown warehouse in the Meatpacking District.

He remembered Kate telling him to stay behind her as they moved quietly between the stacks of crates.

He remembered seeing a movement out of the corner of his eye, and shouting at Hanson as Hanson swung a lump of wood at Kate.

He remembered that his shout has baulked Hanson's swing so that Kate didn't get hit full force, but she still went down.

He remembered tackling Hanson, and wrestling the two-by-four out of his hands.

He remembered hearing Esposito and Ryan's voices, then an explosion? Maybe Hanson had a bomb?

Then it was nothing until the warm, thick, darkness.

He felt more than heard the change in voices. Something about moving things so that a wheelchair could be placed beside his bed. He couldn't understand why he needed a wheelchair when he was happy floating in the dark, so he just let it all go.

Lanie had wheeled Kate to Rick's room, after making sure that Alexis was okay with Kate being there. When the shooting had first happened, little Castle was angry at everyone involved - her dad, Kate, Esposito, Ryan, Gates, hell, even Lanie - but as the days passed, so did the anger. Alexis knew that her dad chose Kate almost as much as he chose his little girl, and if Alexis wanted to be treated like an adult, she had to act like one. She was well aware that her dad was desperately, irrevocably, in love with Kate Beckett, and that she needed to accept it. Didn't mean that she had to particularly like it, but for her father's sake, she needed to be accepting of Kate's presence in their lives.

What worried Alexis now was how Kate would react to her father's blindness. Would she pull a Beckett and run, would she just stick around until he was out of hospital, or would she finally admit how she felt about Richard Castle? Alexis was quite sure that the detective loved her dad, but she wasn't sure how strong that love was. Alexis was willing to be a somewhat patient with the detective, but for her father's sake, she needed a swift resolution.

One way or the other, Alexis Castle wanted to know what would happen in this crazy, warped love story that her dad and Beckett were starring in.

Kate let Lanie push her as close to the right side of the bed as she could. Lanie touched her arm, and told her to take as long as she needed with him. Kate nodded at her friend, then turned to face Rick. She stroked his face, as the rest of his head was swathed in bandages. Then, picking up his right hand, she began to talk to him.

Five hours later, Alexis had returned and taken Kate back to her room. The two women made small talk for a while, then Alexis took her courage with both hands and asked, "So how do you feel about my dad, Detective Beckett?"

"It's Kate, Alexis," she sighed. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because my dad is blind, Kate! I need to know how much longer you plan to be around, so that I can plan my life around him. He'll need round-the-clock care, at least initially. I know you love him, but you need to choose! I just need to know what your choice is so that I can make the decisions I need to!" Alexis managed to squeak out before bursting into tears and dropping to the floor beside Kate's wheelchair.

After the initial shock of Alexis' outburst wore off, Kate reached out and pulled Alexis into her arms. "It's okay," she soothed quietly. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm not gonna leave you and your gram to handle this alone. We can make those decisions you talked about together." She continued to speak quietly, and Alexis gradually calmed. Kate put her hand under Alexis' chin, and said, "I'm in this for the long haul, Alexis. I love your dad, so much, and I won't leave him." She stroked the younger woman's cheek, and asked, "If that's okay with you?"

Alexis' response was immediate and almost violent. She threw her arms around Kate, and sobbed, "Thank you for choosing him!" Then, looking directly in Kate's eyes, she added, "Thank you for choosing us," in a whisper.

Lanie chose that moment to enter Kate's room, along with two of Rick's doctors. Dr Brandis was the neurosurgeon who had operated on Rick, and had removed the bullet. Dr Suvaram was a neuropsychologist, who been brought in to consult when the extent of the cortical damage had been assessed. She had an armful of what looked like X-rays, and she moved over to the lightbox that was standard issue in the private rooms on Kate's floor.

Greetings were exchanged, and Alexis and Lanie got Kate settled in to bed, after which Alexis climbed up next to Kate. They then focussed on what the doctors had to say. Brandis went first.

Pointing to a plain X-ray, he showed the three women the path of the bullet. Amazingly, the bullet had missed the brain stem completely, or the only conversation would be about the color of the coffin and other funeral arrangements. The realization of how close Rick had come to death was sobering for Alexis and Kate, and the two of them clung together. Then Suvaram took over.

She replaced the plain X-ray with an MRI sheet, and very calmly described the damage that had been done by the small-calibre slug. It had blazed a path from one side of Rick's occipital cortex to the other, leaving a tunnel through the richest visual processing area in the brain. Suvaram then looked at Kate and Alexis, and asked, "Have either of you ever heard of the term,'neuroplasticity'?"

Another two days had passed, and Dr Brandis was happy with Rick's progress. The vent had been removed, and the sedatives had been reduced. Now, Kate, Alexis, and Martha had been taking turns sitting with Rick, and waiting for him to wake. Alexis and Martha had just left the room in order to go eat, and bring back something for Kate. Kate had not yet been released from hospital - that was going to be tomorrow's fun event - and she was sitting on Rick's right, holding his hand.

Kate looked at him lying in the narrow hospital bed. His hair was unbrushed, and he had a couple of days' worth of stubble. Kate stroked his face, and asked quietly, "What am I gonna do with you?" As she wasn't expecting a response, what happened could have been almost comedic.

"Kate? You okay?" came in a rasp.

"Castle?" she asked as she searched the bed for the call button. Finding it, and giving it a press, she dropped it and stroked Rick's face again. She could see that he was getting agitated, so she took a deep breath and started talking in a low, calm voice. "You're in Bellevue, Rick. You saved me, again. You're gonna be fine."

"Kate? What's going on? I can't see you. Was there a bomb? I remember...an explosion?"

It took everything she had to keep the tears from her voice as she answered him. "No, no bomb, Rick. You took Hanson down, but he had a gun, and you were shot." Kate looked around at the door opening to the nurse. When she saw that her patient was awake, she left the room, calling for Dr Brandis to be paged. Then she re-entered the room and walked over to Rick.

"Mr Castle, my name is Amanda, and I'm one of your nurses," said in a calm, even manner, as she could see his agitation was turning to fright. She motioned to Kate to continue holding his hand as she went on. "I've just asked for your doctor to be paged, and Miss Beckett can stay here with you while we wait for him to arrive. Now, I'm just going to take your blood pressure..."

"NO!" came the shout from the bed. "Why aren't you turning on the lights? Why is my head bandaged? What's happened to me?" As he spoke, he went from shouting to whispering. He turned to where he thought Kate was sitting, and asked, "What's happened to me, Kate?"

"Don't you want to wait for the doctor?" she replied.

"No. I know that you'll tell me the truth," he paused as he swallowed a sob, "even if I don't want to hear it."

Kate was saved by Dr Brandis entering the room. "Rick, your doctor's here now. Let him tell you, and I promise I'll help you get through this," she said as she continued stroking his face.

**AN: anyone interested in me continuing this?**


End file.
